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3 Secrets to Meet More Women with Minimum Preparation

While I am a big fan of continuous preparation and practice of social code and making it a long term commitment and an integral part of the man’s life, I have been thinking about the times when fall back on the social practice for different reasons like career and family, travel and so on.

As you would probably noticed, even at times when we pause the social practice, we still run into situations where attractive members of the opposite sex are present. These situations include social gatherings and events that we, in one way or another, have to attend like weddings, birthday parties, Halloween parties or even New Year’s Eve.

Therefore, I decided to write this post because I want you to have these 3 powerful techniques to make the most of these events even if you have been falling back on your social practice and the social missions.

1. Use Social Proof to your advantage

Social Proof means that a woman will be more attracted to you depending on how other people treat you.

It’s especially important especially in events like New Year’s Eve because everyone goes out, even women who don’t normally. When everyone is a stranger, social proof is a big part of how women divide the men from the boys.

The great thing about social proof is you don’t actually have to be popular or well-connected or desired by women everywhere. You don’t even have to pretend that you are. If you have been following our posts and receiving our newsletters, you will be able to create the social proof in any venue with ease. Here are a couple of things you can do:


·         Walk in confidently and immediately start talking to someone. Do NOT look around or wander around when you get in or go to the bathroom or go get a drink.

·         Meet everyone (men and women). Events like New Year’s Eve is very social. You don’t need openers, just say hi. Women will see that you seem to know everyone.

·         Introduce people to each other. Make it a game to introduce 10 different people to each other – either people you’ve met earlier that night, or just use an opinion opener on someone walking by when you’re in mid-conversation with someone.

·         Smile. The party is where you are at. The most fun is to be had where you are.

·         Use slow, controlled movements. Move like you are under water. Never waste a movement.

2. Touch early, touch often

I’ve taught thousands of guys over the years and seen tens of thousands of approaches and pickups and attempted pickups.

The easiest way for me to predict how it’s going to go? Touching. Touch early, touch often. Again, an event like New Year’s Eve, it’s even more important/appropriate.

·         Touch as soon as you start talking, within the first minute. Keep it appropriate and touch everyone, not just the women. Use handshakes, hi-fives, whatever. The point is to establish the principle that you touch.

·         Escalate with the woman you’re interested in, but still keep it appropriate. A playful punch on the shoulder if she teases you or touching her elbow when you make a point are good examples. If she touches you back (“pinging”) keep escalating.

·         Be the first one to end touching. If you have your arm around her and you sense she’s getting uncomfortable, move your arm first. (And not with a “I see you’re getting uncomfortable” – playfully push her off).

A lot of guys aren’t used to being “touchy.” I wasn’t. It took me at least a month to get “natural” at it, and that involved forcing myself to do it in every conversation, every night.

Fortunately, the path can be a bit quicker for you – you don’t need to re-invent the wheel.

3. Have fun!

This sounds like a throwaway line, but it isn’t. Emotions are contagious. When you are having fun, people have fun with you. If you are having fun, you will be much more “natural” and interesting.

High-value men enjoy their lives. At least act like you’re enjoying yours. And when you go out… make sure you go somewhere that is fun. Make sure you are with people you like. Do what it takes to work on your own emotions – you’ll find that beautiful women are a lot more attracted to you if you do.

There you have it quick tips if you haven’t been performing your social missions. Don’t feel under pressure. Go out, have fun, meet people, and try to remember the other two tips and you’ll be just fine!

What do I need to do in 2014 to get the dating life I want

How_To_Become_That_Man_Every_Women_Is_Looking_For_largeIn the past 7 years of studying the social art, I’ve seen tens of thousands of men try just about everything. I’ve seen what usually works and what usually doesn’t.

  • First of all, be realistic. Setting unrealistic goals gives you “permission” to fail and eventually give up.
  • Second, focus on process, not outcomes. A resolution to make lots of money is not very meaningful. A resolution to get training for a career change is. Focus on what is under your control; the results will take care of themselves.
  • Third, write them down and look at them every day. This is a basic principle of self-improvement.
  • Finally – when it comes to women and dating – there is no magic trick, no “silver” bullet, no one specific thing that makes beautiful women love you. It’s not one big thing, it’s a lot of little things.

So what I’m going to do is share some proven strategies that I’ve seen many men of different ages and backgrounds use to transform their dating and sex life. It’s less “what to change” and more “how to change”.

1. Practice
You might not think that meeting and attracting beautiful women is something you practice. So I’ll let you into a little secret:
                                                       Beautiful women practice all the time.
No, supermodels aren’t going to the bar to practice meeting men. They don’t have to. Men approach them all the time. That’s why beautiful women usually seem poised and comfortable when you approach them – they’ve practiced thousands of times.
You’re not going to be great at something the first couple times you do it – whether it’s driving a car, cooking a meal, or attracting and dating beautiful women.
In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell saw that experts in their field put in about 10,000 hours of practice time. He’s talking about guys like Bill Gates for programming or The Beatles for music. You don’t need to be anywhere near that level to have a life full of beautiful women, but you do need to practice.How much practice do you need? More is better. In general, a minimum should be at least a few hours every week.

Can you commit to this? Good. Now schedule it. One of my mentors taught me to prioritize your schedule and schedule your priorities.” So if every Friday night or Saturday afternoon is going to be “find something social where I can meet beautiful women” time, then schedule and prioritize it. Right now.

2. Get good wingmen

  • Peer pressure to go out (see Resolution #1) when you said you would.
  • If you’re new, there are a lot of techniques to deal with “approach anxiety” (where you see a pretty girl at a bar or a restaurant but you don’t approach her) that require a wingman.
  • Going out with friends is more fun. If you’re in a great mood, the women you meet will be in a great mood. Emotions are contagious.
  • Having cool friends reflects well on you. Female attraction is deeply influenced by how other people react to you and who you surround yourself with. Obviously, being alone doesn’t reflect well.
  • Most women don’t go to bars, clubs, or restaurants alone. If you’ve got wingmen with you, her friends can have fun with your friends. If not, her friends will be dragging her away to meet some other cool guys.
  • Improvement. Watch and learn from your wingman. A good wing will do the same. It’s really hard to analyze your own game and you almost always need someone to help. Just make sure your wingman has been well-trained and knows what he is doing!

3. Set, and stick to, your standards
This is the secret of “Qualification.” People value what they have to work for. It’s the same principle behind elaborate initiation rituals for some organizations (e.g., college fraternities) or hiring processes for some companies. People who jumped through all those hoops want to believe that it was worth it – that the reward at the end is something they want.
It’s the same thing with women and dating. If she knows she can have you just because you think she is pretty, she’s less likely to be interested. But if you make her work for it…

Write down at least 5 specific things you’re looking for in a woman. Every time you’re talking to a woman you like, find out if she has these things 

You don’t have to do anything weird or awkward. Let’s say it’s important to you that a woman you date share your taste in music. With every woman you talk to, find out what her tastes are. Just by doing that alone, you will have better success with women, and also attract those who are more “your type.”

To paraphrase Steven Covey: 
“If you don’t know what you want…if you don’t know how to get it…if you don’t know how to tell when you do get it…then your odds of success are very small.”

4. Upgrade your wardrobe (& hair)

“Being good-looking for a man is much more about fashion and grooming than it is about what you look like naked”.

Be grateful for this.

Some women – no matter how hard they try – can never be pretty enough to attract most men. However, almost all men can be “good looking enough” that their looks won’t stand in the way of being with a beautiful woman, if they have a few hundred dollars, a clue about what they’re doing, and a mall.
Knowing what you’re doing is the only hard part, since the type of clothes that will help you succeed with beautiful women is different from “high fashion” or “GQ fashion.”
Fashion is crucial, but not time-consuming. You only have to redo your wardrobe once this year. It’s great to stay on top of trends, but if you get a great look in January, it will still work in December.

5. Track your progress

You can’t manage what you can’t measure.

Keep a journal so you can learn from your experiences, see patterns, and chart your progress. This might be the single best thing you can do to improve your skills with women. Post “field reports” of your nights out and details from your interactions.

Be detailed and specific enough that people can comment and give advice. Read other peoples’ field reports for examples, and for ideas when you’re there. Half the value of posting a field report is working through all of the issues in your own head. So don’t skip over complicated parts or failures. Try to break them down and figure out what you’d do in that situation next time. Even just writing about what happened will train your subconscious to think of what you could do better next time. Make an effort to do this once per week, and your results will improve dramatically.

6. Stay up to date

I’ve been teaching pick up and seduction to men around the world for several years now. I’ll be honest with you – it would be much easier to just keep saying the same stuff as we did in 2004. But that wouldn’t work for The Social Code because we actually use our techniques every day, in our own personal lives.

The psychology of attraction stays the same, but what creates attraction definitely does not.

Imagine going into a nightclub dressed in a cape, leotards, goggles, furry hat and a feather boa. Ten years ago, that was different enough to be interesting. Today, it is disastrous. Some people adapt and are still attracting beautiful women today. Others cry bitter tears and tell stories about the good old days.

Which do you want to be?

It’s not just “dating science technology” that changes. Actual technology changes too. A few years ago, text messaging was rarely used in pickup and dating – no one even talked about it. Today, it’s a fundamental skills.

The next big thing is social circle game. Women have always judged men in part based on their lifestyle – who are your friends, what do you do with your time, etc. Until recently, they just had to take your word for it. Now with Facebook and other social media, women expect to know a bit about your lifestyle.

7. Be man enough to ask for help

I confess – I’m not great at this. Most men aren’t. That’s why there are so many jokes about men refusing to ask for even simple things like driving directions. Women will not only ask for directions, but also share personal experiences, ask for advice, and avoid re-inventing the wheel.

This gives women a huge advantage socially over most men. Don’t blame women for being smarter about dating and relationships and usually setting the agenda and getting what they want. Learn from them.

Competiton from other men – How To Handle it

Now, I know that us guys have faced this situation at some point in time, hence let’s discuss what I wrote back to JM. I’ve noticed that the period after breaking up with a long-term girlfriend or spouse is often a difficult one.   I think it’s easy for men (and women) to become so comfortable and emotionally dependent in a relationship that they experience a lot of FEAR when ending that relationship… 

    “What’s going to happen?””Will I ever meet another woman?”

“How do I get started?”

I can remember breaking up with long-term girlfriends in years past, and feeling an empty, fearful, LONELY combination of emotions in my gut that was HORRIBLE. That ALONE feeling is enough to cause a lot of problems. Add to that, not knowing where to start, what to do, or how to “get your game back” if you had it in the past, and you usually get a bad situation.

I’ve learned that knowing how to go out anytime and meet women has a couple of MAJOR benefits when it comes to this area:

1) When you know that you can meet women anytime you want, it makes you stop acting so NEEDY and CLINGY in a relationship. Most needy and clingy Wuss behaviors are rooted in the FEAR that you’ll never be able to find another woman.

2) When it comes to ENDING a relationship, this skill makes things MUCH easier. Too many guys stay
in relationships that are bad for them, and are afraid to END a relationship because of that deeply-rooted insecurity that comes from not knowing how to walk out the door anytime, anywhere and meet women.

When you know how to do this, you won’t try to hold on like a girly-man, sacrifice your own respect and dignity, pleading and begging, and ultimately make the situation much worse than it would have been if you would have just walked away.

In short, what I’m trying to say is that I think understanding this area called “How to attract women” is KEY to having a good relationship. When you have that inner confidence and KNOWING, it makes you more attractive… period. Now let’s talk about what to do when there is competition from other guys…

First I want to talk about what I believe is at the ROOT of the problem:



When you are insecure, you’re always wondering if some other guy is going to come along and steal your girl. This often shows up as a combination of feelings that make you worry about losing your girl, and at the same time worrying about not being able to find another one if you DO lose this one.

This is a BAD, BAD thing because it then CLOUDS YOUR THINKING, and creates an illusion that the woman you’re with is BETTER than she is, and that you’re WORSE than you are. We’re talking about some deep issues here, but this is the stuff that triggers the ULTIMATE WUSS types of behaviors.

Then, as if things weren’t bad enough, you go out with your girl, and other guys start hitting on her right in front of you. This triggers MORE insecurity, and then the REAL problem… JEALOUSY.

Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion. It often leads people to KILL people they love. When you’re out with your girl, you turn around to order a drink, and when you turn BACK around there’s some guy talking to her with that “I’d love to take you home and do things that the lord forbids”, it can trigger a few emotions…

This is very natural. Animals have this same response in similar situations. I personally believe that we come pre-wired with BOTH of these things:

– We come pre-wired to want women that other men already have (Don’t covet thy neighbor’s wife).

– We come pre-wired to feel jealousy if we suspect that our spouse is cheating or if we think that
someone is going to take them from us.

Again, normal and natural stuff. If Yoda were here, he’d probably say: “Jealousy is useless…

…Jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to INSECURE WUSSY BEHAVIOR… and insecure Wussy
behavior leads to the DARK SIDE.” Now, jealousy doesn’t always lead to insecure WUSSY behavior, sometimes it leads to insecure DUMB ASS behavior, like getting into a fight, or shooting someone.

The POINT I’m trying to make is that insecurity and jealousy make people do all kinds of stupid
and thoughtless things. These emotions take over your mind and body, and can trigger some of the most short-sighted behaviors you’ll ever experience.

These are complex emotions that have evolved over millions and millions of years… and they’re not going away anytime soon. In many cases, they literally take control of your mind and body.

So what’s the answer to here? What’s the best thing to do when a guy is making his move on your girl?


The best thing you can do in one of these situations is what you do BEFORE it ever happens… and it’s a combination of things: 1) Realize that there’s nothing to be insecure and jealous about, and that these things only lead to fear and loss.

2) Get your game in shape with women. Get yourself to the point where you can meet women in ANY
situation. This way you always know DEEP DOWN that if any woman you’re with ever decides to leave,
you can turn around and start meeting women. This eliminates insecurity.

3) Mentally prepare. Take some time to imagine that you’re in one of these situations, and notice the feelings you have. Go over it in your mind until you can think about it without having any negative emotions triggered.

And here’s what to do when you’re actually IN the situation…
1) EXPECT IT. If you start dating hot women, other men will hit on them, GUARANTEED. It’s part of life, man. You must expect that it’s going to happen and not be surprised when it does.

2) Learn how to have FUN with it. Most guys have no game at all… and it’s kind of funny to watch and listen to them. I enjoy watching guys try to meet women, because they FAIL miserably in most cases. I like to wait until a guy is finished trying to pick up on the girl I’m with, and then get her to share the details so I can laugh.

3) Suggest that she date the guy. One of my favorite things to do is say, “Hey, you guys would make a cute couple… I think you should go for him.” Of course, this is all said in a light, fun way.

4) If you suspect that the girl you’re with is actually TRYING to make you jealous, talk to other women. If you actually think that a woman is deliberately trying to make you jealous, you must do some thinking as well. Some women enjoy making men compete over them and you probably don’t want
to be with one of these women. They’re a pain. But if you think it’s just a typical situation and the
girl is trying to figure out if you “really” like her (because you’ll get jealous if you do), then just turn around and start a conversation with a group of girls… and wait for her to come and find you.

The point I’m making is that you MUST get over that fear/insecurity/jealousy issue, and realize that there is nothing to be afraid of. The only power that other guys will have with your date is the power that you GIVE them… so don’t give them any power by acting like a WUSS. Keep your power for yourself. The main reason that other guys try to hit on your girl is because they don’t have one themselves. Remember that.